Trump Appoints the Chief Conspiracy Officer of His Campaign

To boost voter turnout on the election day and also to prepare for the election results, Donald Trump has announced he will make a final reorganization of his campaign.

Trump announced he will create the following new positions: Chief Conspiracy Officer and Chief Officer for Humane and Compassionate Deportations. He also announced that his foreign policy team will be simplified and directly integrated with the Russian embassy. Finally, Trump announced a new central position in his campaign which he reserved for himself—the Chief Bankruptcy Officer. In a statement, Trump said:

“Folks, first of all I wanted to tell you about a big position I created. It is a new position of the Chief Conspiracy Officer. I’ve given it to Ruddy Giuliani. He will have a very important role of coming up with watertight conspiracies to explain any results that we don’t like and also to provide consolations to our supporters.

Folks, we do really care about our LGBT-Q support. To get their votes big league, I created a new position of Chief Officer for LGBT-Q Outreach. And I offered this position to Rick Santorum. Rick has a great history with LGBT-Q community. He knows all about them. And they know him very well too. Just google “Santorum” and you’ll see.

Now folks, about foreign policy. We are doing something really smart and tough, something what our White House transition team has been doing already. We are integrating our foreign policy team with the Russian embassy, just to make decision making more simple.

Finally, folks, I wan to tell you about the best position ever created for a presidential campaign. I promised you I will run this campaign the way I run my business, and so keeping my business traditions, I decided to add to our campaign a new position of Chief Bankruptcy Officer. This is a really beautiful position. And so smart and tough. To show how important is this position in the campaign, I’m going to hold it myself.

And that is, folks, how we will win. We will drain the swamp. We will put Crooked Hillary in jail. We will wipe out the rigged system and beat the corporate media. We will make America great again and probably for the last time.

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