President Vladimir Putin is known for various extraordinary feats that delighted Russian people. While on a wildlife expedition in Siberia he managed to save everyone from a tiger attack. While playing hockey on his birthday, he was able to score all seven goals for his team. While he was scuba-diving in the Black Sea, he happened to find sixth-century Greek amphorae.
Today Putin told Russian people that all of his previous feats are now outstripped by his latest and most impressive feat ever — appointment of the American president.
In a brief televised address, Putin thus described his impressive achievement:
American people made a history 8 years ago by electing the first African American president.
This year, I’ve beaten American people who wanted to make another historic decision and elect the first woman president. Instead, I made a history by appointing the first Orange American to be the leader of the free world.
I want to thank everyone who helped me to achieve this impressive goal, including the Republican Party, the FBI director, and even the Democratic Party for its traditionally sloppy campaigning.
Now let’s get to work and start making Russia great again.
(Image: Kremlin.ru via Wikimedia Commons)