After yesterday announcing he will withdraw from the Paris climate accord, President Donald Trump today announced that he will destroy the North Korea’s ruling regime by deploying the most lethal weapon in his possession and that his predecessors never dared using in such cases. Trump said that he will re-establish the First Earth Battalion and send an elite team of the “Men Who Stare at the Goats.”
Trump made this announcement about his new military policy in North Korea:
Folks, I promised that I will make North Korea behave and solve this problem very fast. We have a big league plan for doing — it’s even better than my healthcare plan.
Folks, we got the best men who stare at the goats. Nobody, nobody can stare at the goats like my best people can stare. Our people have the best staring at the goats. It’s huge staring.
And I don’t want to brag, but we also got the best goats in the world. So I will make North Korea behave by sending our best men to take out their ruling regime.
It will be over very soon, you will see, it’s almost already done – they’re finished. And it can’t fail.
But if it fails, it’s Obama’s fault. I inherited this mess. Obama’s military policy was a disaster — it’s his fault North Koreans don’t like us and he left our military in shambles.
I will make our military great again by restoring and expanding bigly the First Earth Battalion.